


Harry Potter and the muggle autocorrect

by GillespieGirl



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Accepts requests for messages., Cussing, Established Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, F/M, M/M, aurors cast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23154547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GillespieGirl/pseuds/GillespieGirl
Summary: After graduating from Hogwarts most of our heroes become aurors or curse breakers, because that’s what they are used to the most    During a very long mission undercover as Muggles to uproot hiding Death Eaters they have to get used to using phones, emails and cars instead of apparition, wads and brooms. Here’s the challenge they need to meet with messaging. If you have any particular request for a message between characters let me know .
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Torchwood messages gone wrong.](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/567571) by aBlueGillespian. 



> A/N: As I'd have a bad case of hitting the proverbial brick wall with my main stories I decided to do something for fun that doesn't need a plot or me thinking too much on it. I was reading on adverts and messages gone wrong and that's where this idea came from. Its just a bit of fun. Please let me know if you think I should keep going or if its too silly. Also if I should up the rating, there's a lot of strong language but I left it T

12.03.2009, 14:53GTM

eFrom Draco to Hermione 

Hi Hermionr,  
Remember that fuck Ron gave me last week?

/ /

12.03.2009, 15:00 GTM

From Hermione to Draco

He did WHAT?

/

12.03.2009, 15:03GTM

From Draco to Hermione 

This was just strong.

/

12.03.2009, 15:05GTM

From Hermione to Draco 

?!

/

12.03.2009, 15:07GTM

From Draco to Hermione 

I mean very strong.

/-/ /  
12.03.2009, 15:08GTM

From Hermione to Draco

Huh?!

/ /

/ 12.03.2009, 15:09GTM

From Draco to Hermione 

For fuck sake. I wanted to say that this was just wrong.

Truck ‘Mione, I meant truck. Bloody self correct. Going to jump in the Bay now.


	2. Chapter 2

04.08.2007, 12:30 GMT

From Blaise to Hermione ,

Hermione, I need you to do me a favour. Ron has a magical creature body that he needs to transport to the closest apparition point. Me and Draco are doing interviews. Can you go get Ron?I'll be very grateful, I'll give you some coffee and the HIV.

/ / /  
04.08.2007, 12:31 GMT

From Hermione to Blaise

Right?

/ /  
04.08.2007, 12:32 GMT

From Blaise to Hermione 

Lol the SUV I'll give you the SUV. I'm not giving the HIV to anyone.

/ /

04.08.2007 12:33 GMT

From Hermione to Blaise

That's good to know. Yes, I'll pick up Ron send me his location.


	3. Chapter 3

20.07.2009, 20:47 GMT

From Harry to Draco

Be right back. At the caves by the Black Sea estate, showing Gunny my cock.

/  
20.07.2009 20:49 GMT

From Draco to Harry

That's just...I did not want to know this.

/  
20.07.2009, 20:51 GMT

From Harry to Draco

But is a very impressive cock, I know you agree. If you were impressed, think about her.

/

20.07.2009, 20:54 GMT

From Draco to Harry 

No, Harry , I don't have to imagine. I'm telling Theo about that.

/

20.07.2009, 21:00 GMT

From Harry to Draco 

Oh god. I just noticed what the message said. I'm sorry Draco, I meant I was showing her my dock. You know, the dock, where I keep parked the Sea Queen.


	4. Chapter 4

15.02.2007, 23:06 GMT

From Hermione to Ron

Sorry babe, gonna be another late night, maybe even an all nighter. Are you home yet? Is Rose ok, has she eaten?

Love you

/

15.02.2007, 23:10 GMT

From Ron to Hermione 

Again? I hate your job. Yes, everything is OK. Rose is sleeping. I laid the babysitter.

Love you too.

/

15.02.2007, 23:13 GMT

From Hermione to Ron

WHAT?

/

15.02.2007, 23:14 GMT

From Ron to Hermione 

OMG love I'm sorry. I meant I paid the babysitter.


	5. Chapter 5

18.10.2009, 08:15 GMT

From Hermione to Blaise

How did exactly Pansy broke her finger again?

/

18.10.2007, 08:25 GMT

From Blaise to Hermione 

It got stuck in my butthole.

/

18.10.2007, 08:36 GMT

From Hermione to Blaise

Uh...OK.

/

18.10.2007, 08:57 GMT

From Blaise to Hermione 

Wait...no,no,no,no...just no. Even I won't play this way. It got stuck in my belt buckle.


	6. Chapter 6

09.04.2008, 22:09 GMT

From Harry to Draco 

You can't pull out now Draco, I know it hurts and you are scared, but you are holding the biggest ass in this mission.

/

09.04.2008, 22:14 GMT

From Draco to Harry 

Thanks Harry!

/

09.04.2008, 22:14GMT

From Harry to Draco 

Shit, Draco you know I didn't mean it. I meant that you are holding the biggest Aces in this mission. You know, since you already know the Death Eaters way of working. 

/

09.04.2008, 22:30 GMT

From Harry to Draco 

Come on you know that I don't think you have a big ass. You know I love your ass.

/ /

09.04.2008, 22:35 GMT

From Harry to Draco 

Oh come on that's stupid

/

09.04.2008, 22:40 GMT

From Harry to Draco 

Draco.....


	7. Chapter 7

20.03.2008, 17:56GMT

From George to Ron

Are you coming for Easter lunch this Sunday? Only you said you were coming last Easter and you didn't.

/

20.03.2008, 19:24 GMT

From Ron to George 

Sorry for the late answer. Sure what's on the menu?

/

20.03.2008, 19:58 GMT

From George to Ron

No worries. Dad's juicy Easter dick.

/

20.03.2008, 20:33 GMT

From Ron to George 

And suddenly I'm not hungry at all.

/

20.03.2008, 21:02 GMT

From George to Ron

OH MY GOD! I'm sorry I'm so embarrassed now I just want the earth to open. What I meant is dad’s juicy Easter duck.


	8. Chapter 8

10.05.2007, 12:07 GMT

From Harry to Ginny 

Hi Ginny, I know I haven't visited for a while but the work's been frantic what with the undercover case, and I know it’s awkward between you and Draco. Anyway, I know my absence doesn't bother you much, but I really miss James, could you please bring him by the dinnery at the Millennium Centre?

/

/ 10.05.2007, 12:17 GMT

From Ginny to Harry,  
Hi Harry, sorry but I can't come I'm busy. I'm at granny's helping her to sell her vagina on the Quibller 

/

10.05.2007, 12:19 GMT

From Ginny to Harry 

Oh, no, please Harry DON'T read the last message. I'm helping granny to sell her china. I'm so mortified at the moment that you don't need to kill me for what I've said. I'll do it myself right now.


	9. Chapter 9

09.06.2007, 23:40 GMT

From Pansy to Harry 

Hi boss, ‘Mione said that the she can’t detect any Death Eaters activity and the wards are also silent her prediction is to be quiet tomorrow and I was thinking to ask if I can get the day off. I'm getting a little dick and the days are so hot lately.  
Ta.

/ /

10.06.2007, 00:13 GMT

From Harry to Pansy

I know it is very disappointing and dare I say depressing when the dick you get is little, but I hardly think that's a valid reason for a day off.

/

10.06.2007, 00:15 GMT

From Pansy to Harry 

Ha ha, it was supposed to say SICK, I'm getting a little sick. Off to bed now. Night.


	10. Chapter 10

07.02.2007, 13:45 GMT

From Pansy to Hermione 

‘Mione, Harry wants me to get the jeep to be washed. Do you know who last drove it and where the keys are?

/

07.02.2007, 13:48 GMT

From Hermione to Pansy

Yes, they are in my vag

/

07.02.2007, 13:49 GMT

From Hermione to Pansy 

In my BAG, they are in my bag.

/

07.02.2007, 13:59 GMT

From Pansy to Hermione 

Oh good, because Harry was going to get it washed himself.


	11. Chapter 11

13.10.2007, 16:08 GMT

From Ron to Neville 

Oy mate, how did the date last night with that girl went? Mandy, was it? Do you think she’s someone who can date a wizard?

/

13.10.2007, 17:27 GMT

From Neville to Ron

Yeah, it went well. We went to the movies, then went for dinner to the new Indian place. Then I walked her home through the park and killed her under the tree, you know the big one by the gates.

/

13.10.2007, 17:56 GMT

From Ron to Neville 

Are you serious? You thought this is how a good date is? What did she do to deserve killing her?

/

13.10.2007, 18:12 GMT

From Neville to Ron 

What? No? I kissed her, I didn't kill her.

/

13.10.2007, 18:23 GMT

From Ron to Neville 

OK, that's great mate. Because I was going to call 999. You know you're one of my best mates and all, but thats some very serious shit there.


	12. Chapter 12

05.07.2006, 20:06 GMT

From Agent number 4509JH (alias Drake Murdock) to James

Hi, I know we are mean to integrate here so I bought one of these phone contraptions, why can't they use a normal patronus? Stars, this is archaic, I'm not sure if I can work it right, but I wanted to say love you so much I will buy you a casket.

/

05.07.2006, 21:00 GMT

From Agent number 4560 (alias James Porter) to Drake

Wha...you are working it right, but that's some weird way to confess love even for you.

/

05.07.2006, 21:07

From Agent number 4509JH(alias Drake Murdock) to James

See Patronuses are so much better I can just talk on the message. I meant that I will buy you a castle. But I was drinking so don't take this love confession too seriously.


	13. Chapter 13

05.09.2006, 23:10 GMT

From Draco to Harry

Thanks for the great proper first date. I had great time. I can't wait to see your big cute nipples again.

/

05.09.2006, 23:17GMT

From Harry to Draco

I love it when you talk dirty.

/

05.09.2006, 23:20GMT

From Draco to Harry 

Well shit. I didn't mean to say nipples. I wanted to say your cute dimples. How f embarassing. But well I don't mind the nipples either. ;)


	14. Chapter 14

09.07.2008, 21:04GMT

From Dad to George 

George, look I have that telly thing to talk to Ron too. Isn’t it so fascinating, Muggles are amazing. You lot have to find yourself your own dinner today, because I'm eating you mum out tonight.

/

09.07.2008, 21:13GMT

From George to Dad

Really, dad? That's just too much info all around. We didn't want to know all this. Thanks.

/

09.07.2008, 21:20GMT

From Dad to George 

Well I mean it. You'll have to call Ginny to sort dinner, or sort it yourselves. I'm eating her out.

/

09.07.2008, 21:23 GMT

From George to Dad

Yeah whatever floats your boat. Just don't share it with me.

/  
/

09.07.2008, 21:27GMT

From Dad to George 

OK that wasn't what I was saying I mean I'm taking you mum out tonight. I think I shall need more time to work on this telly phoney thing


	15. Chapter 15

23.05.2009, 07:34 GMT

From Hermione to Draco 

You are not coming to work today, you are still not well. I'll tell Harry, and don't you dare come or I will come and embarrass you by personally coming to blow you in bed.

/

23.05.2009, 07:46 GMT

From Draco to Hermione 

Eh? Would Ron be informed about this?

/

23.05.2009, 07:50 GMT

From Hermione to Draco 

Well, shit, I meant that I will come and personally fuck you in bed.

/

23.05.2009, 07:51

From Hermione to Draco 

nO, NO, NO! ducking autocorrect. I meant that I will personally tuck you in bed to embarass you if you come to work.

/

23.05.2009, 08:00 GMT

From Draco to Hermione 

Hermione you are just digging yourself deeper. :P But you are welcome to come.

/

23.05.2009, 08:04 GMT

From Hermione to Draco 

Would Harry know? No wait don't answer that. As if you and Harry need encouraging or someone else to blow you. -.-


	16. Chapter 16

30.11.2008, 23:10 GMT

From Blaise to Draco 

Draco, mate you need to come up with a real creative cover story for this one. Its a right cluster duck out here.

/

30.11.2008, 23:14 GMT

From Draco to Blaise

I don’t know what the truck you are talking about but its a real ship here in at the base.

/

30.11.2008, 23:21 GMT

From Blaise to Draco 

The auto-correct is a real beech I think Hermione had messed with our phones and now we can't curse.


	17. Chapter 17

12.02.2007, 05:30 GMT

From Neville to Harry,

Sorry, boss, I'm going to be late today. I'm going to New York. Some family paper work.

/

12.02.2007, 05:56 GMT

From Harry to Neville 

And how much late are you planing on being :O And seriously did you have to send me this SMS so early ?

/

12.02.2007, 06:05 GMT

From Neville to Harry

Shouldn't be more than half an hour, 40 min tops. And is not like you sleep, much anyway. What 3-4h tops? 

/

12.02.2007, 06:07 GMT

From Harry to Neville 

From New York? That's a fast travel. You do remember that we cannot use portkeys or apparition, right? Don’t blow the cover How do you know I having decided to try and sleep just that night?

/

12.02.2007, 06:15GMT

From Neville to Harry 

What do you mean New York, I'm going to Newport..


End file.
